John Travolta Is Not Gay!

May 11, 2012

In case you didn’t notice, I’ve been away for a while. And I know what you’re thinking, I was probably in jail getting in a serious relationship with my jailmate Bubba. But the truth is far more boring;

Connectivity issues and someone saying I posted a picture I wasn’t supposed to. So lets start with a bang and say some shit that will get me in trouble with the scientologists’ lawyers, shall we?

This started on Monday, when a male masseuse filed a lawsuit against Travolta for sexual harrassment. I could go into details and even post scans of the suit itself, but this was Monday, so if you haven’t seen the whole “bouncing erect penis” all over the media, you don’t deserve the hilarity.

In any case, a few days ago a second guy came out to say the same thing — Travolta is a male cougar I guess! And on top of things, a third man jumped into the bandwagon today. According to Radar Online:

Chilean-born Fabian Zanzi alleges Travolta accosted him while he was working on the Royal Caribbean cruise ship in 2009

Zanzi told South American news website ABC.es that Travolta said, “He had something on his neck. I thought it was a fuzz. As I approached, he took off his white coat and was naked. He hugged me and asked me to do a massage.” Zanzi alleges that Travolta offered $12,000 to have sex with him, but he says he refused.

And I call bullshit on this one, because if Travolta wanted to fuck this guy, he would’ve pointed out the window. Why? Well, because that’s where Xenu would’ve been waiting in order to freeze him until Travolta was done sodomozing him for the greater good. I think. I’m not entirely sure on what scientologists believe, but I bet it’s kinky.

In any case, here’s a picture that proves that John Travolta isn’t gay. He’s more interested into spaceship shaped cake. Nothing gay about it.

 

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