Lindsay Lohan Is Off The Hook

This is one of those bits of news that shouldn’t surprise anyone by now. According to People Magazine:

As long as she stays out of trouble, Lindsay Lohan’s days in criminal court have finally come to an end.

Nearly five years after the first of her two DUI arrests – and after multiple stints in rehab, at least five trips to jail and a necklace theft case – Lohan, 25, has satisfied her probation terms in her drunk driving case.

“She has done everything this court has asked of her,” Judge Stephanie Sautner said Thursday.

She’s such a responsible person. After you get arrested multiple times for drunk driving, the state of California will demand you go to rehab for a few days and start drinking and driving again as soon as you get out. Either that, or they tend to forgive everything if you’re rich and famous. But we don’t want to say that the system doesn’t work when it comes to celebrities, do we?

the judge did give the actress a final warning, albeit in a warm and supportive tone of voice: “You need to live your life in a more mature way,” Sautner said. “Stop the nightclubbing and focus on your work. I don’t expect to see you again.”

Damnit. Scratch my previous statement. We do want to say that. This bitch was drunk driving last week, and got involved into a hit and run, but since nobody pressed charges, the judge had to say “Oh, lilo, you and your harmless shennanigans! Stop being so naughty sistah!”

And Lindsay, of course, had to talk out of her ass in order to give the whole joke that is the law a good punchline:

“I just want to say thank you for being fair,” Lohan, who wore a teal-colored suit with her hair in a bun, told the judge. “It’s opened a lot of doors for me, so I really appreciate it.”

Fair? Are you fucking kidding me?! You commit the same crime over and over again, instead of doing time you only need to show up in court every now and then, you even fail to do that most of the times, and you say the Judge is being fair?. What a cunt, I wonder what the people doing time for far less think about the fairness of this.

I also wonder what doors is she talking about. The only movie she has coming out this year so far is a comedy with Rob Schneider, and she isn’t even the lead actress. I reckon she’s talking about the coolest coke dealer in town, or maybe Peter North’s door.

 

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One Response to Lindsay Lohan Is Off The Hook

  1. Pavel Sohaj says:

    The Peter North part would net her enough to live happily ever after. Even I would buy that.

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