Katy Isn’t Over Me Yet, Gonna Get Punched

My relationship with Katy Perry wasn’t that weird. She just wanted to marry someone who was more into meth than booze. It was a friendly breakup.

But now she’s divorced and I’m with Gina Carano, so there wont be any rebound sex from my part. (sure, she has great tits, but so does Gina, so why would I risk it?)

In any case, Katy is ready for a new guy, and she’s going for the best help possible. According to Hollywood Life:

“Katy has been very upset about the divorce,” a source tells us. “She never expected it to end and now she’s dealing with the aftermath. But her friends are telling her to get back out there and date. They don’t want her to waste time being upset over Russell”

This “Source” guy is always on the dot. He better start talking about my huge penis if he wants to make things sound realistic.

The source added that Katy’s good friend Rihanna is trying to get Katy to go out more and meet people.

Sounds like they are going to watch a lot of boxing. In 3d or something. The more realistic the better. Rihanna once told me she made a mistake by setting me up with Gina Carano. She figured that since I don’t have any broken ribs we’re not meant for each other.

 

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