Shakira Almost Got Killed By a Sea Lion


I don’t understand why celebrities insist on going to dangerous places. Angie Jolie in Africa every weekend. That’s just calling for those two lions that Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas hunt to come and fuck you up.

That’s exactly what happened to Shakira; Except that it was a Sea Lion. People reports:

The singer and her sibling spied some of the aquatic mammals on a tour Sunday afternoon and decided to get a bit closer to take pictures.

Yep. Sounds like a great idea. “Lets get closer to that wild animal, which is known to get agressive!”

“Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me,”

No shit?! I once left a cow by a pack of tigers. When I came back the cow was gone.  I guess some local stole it or something.

Shakira believes the sea lion was confused by the shiny reflection of the Blackberry she used to take pictures. “It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it,” she said,

No, no. When you keep shaking your awesome ass as a selling point for your crappy music, and then some random perv gets aggressive because you wont let him touch it, then that example applies. In this case you invaded a wild animal’s territory, you dumb bitch.

Oh! And all the people in Colombia who are going through a hard time right now, are really glad you flashed your blackberry at them. They are waiting at the airport. Just for a hug!

she and Tony suffered minor scratches on nearby rocks as they tried to escape. Sea lions have interacted well with humans throughout history, and attacks are rare and usually tied to territorial aggression.

Minor scratches! How horrible. But I’m on the fence here. Amy Jameson from people states that sea lions are territorial creatures, but Shakira thinks it’s the fancy cellphone. I don’t know what to believe anymore.


One Response to Shakira Almost Got Killed By a Sea Lion

  1. Pavel SOhaj says:

    Maybe the lion will be more successful next time. Can imagine the world-wide anti sealion crusade…

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